Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Sometimes, I just don't like what I see

Somedays, I'm over the moon about myself, I'm happy. A lot of days, I'm not. Sometimes I feel body dysphoric, I don't like what I see. My hips are two broad, my feet are two small, my shoulders aren't defined enough, I don't have abs, I'm to fat and somedays,  I just plain feel ugly.

I know I didn't always feel these things, I used to look in the mirror and strike a pose, flex a muscle and give a smoulder. Now more often than not, I look at myself and think who am I kidding. Half of this, is societies fault, we're too wrung up on what is beautiful we project are views onto those around us. The rest is all on me, because I slowly became superficial and started joining trends.

I'd like to say, " Hey I'm above all this" I'm really not, I struggle but I do know, I have to do something to change this and that answer maybe parking my butt back into the gym and ripping out once more. Life caught up to me, and I let go. Yes it's entirely possible at the ripe old age of 24, almost 25. I'm just going to turn my whole darn life around, on my terms and not everyone else's. It's high time, I started thinking about pleasing me for  a change.

On the flip side, I've found a song that just motivates me, gets my brain chemistry levelled. It's one of those songs that leave you with a visceral high and thirst for life. That happens to be Truck Yeah by Tim McGraw. I grew up listening to him, oddly enough my family hates country. I liked his music, but I never appreciated it until my twenties.  I think what inspires me about him, he's real, he's hard on himself, he cares about people and he's just not perfect. One day, I hope to meet him and maybe own a black cowboy hate.

This is Truck Yeah. By Tim McGraw


Saturday, July 20, 2013

Slow Summer

The summer has been really slow for me, considering I'm beyond flat broke. I'm no longer getting my $22 a month Trillium Benefit check. No I'm not on Social Assistance. I make $3000 per year which all goes into rent. Yes my parents have me work for their cleaning business and on paper they pay me 3K which in turn goes right to them as rent. So realistically I live off $227 per year, give or take. I don't actually qualify for social assistance despite being what some would consider destitute. I just happened to set myself up in a situation where I've no bills. I chose not to have a cell phone and to pay 3K to my parents per year so I can live at home and enjoy their food.

I don't really mind but it's not the easiest thing when you're not making any income to go out and do things with friends. These days vacation means filming for a day in Toronto once or twice for the summer. I know I'm incredibly lame.

I did however head out to my Cousin James' place for my Uncle Jim's BBQ birthday, that was pretty fun. We'll probably be having a family reunion some time in August.

I hope with the back to school rush, I'll be able to pick up some kind of work.
Birthday CuppyCakes